Recovery ≠ Perfection
By Trent Carter
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Why grit, not flawlessness, is the real measure of progress
Let’s start by throwing perfection out the window.
No, seriously—go ahead and picture it. That tidy little image of the “ideal recovery”: no relapses, no doubts, no missed appointments, no emotional breakdowns, no moments of regret. Now crumple it up. Light a match. Burn it.
Because recovery is not a highlight reel. It’s not a straight line. And it sure as hell isn’t about perfection.
Recovery is about persistence. Grit. Courage. Showing up when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
The Myth of the Clean Slate
I’ve seen it time and again—someone walks into treatment with this unspoken belief: If I don’t do this perfectly, I’ve failed. Maybe they’ve set a goal to hit 90 days sober. Or they’re white-knuckling it through early detox, terrified of messing up. And then—bam—they slip. Maybe it’s one drink. Maybe it’s a weekend binge. Maybe it’s just the mental spiral of wanting to use again. Either way, shame kicks in. The inner critic starts screaming. “I ruined it. I blew my shot. Why even try?”
Here’s what I tell them—and what I’ll tell you:
You didn’t ruin anything. You’re not broken. You’re human.
If you think the only way forward is never messing up, you’ll quit the first time you do. That’s what perfectionism does—it tricks you into thinking one mistake means you’re not worth recovery.
But the truth? Recovery starts again the second you choose to stand back up. And you can start over as many damn times as it takes.
Relapse Isn’t the Opposite of Recovery—It’s Part of It
Let me be clear: relapse is serious. It can be dangerous. But it’s also not rare. It’s not the end of your story. In fact, for a lot of people, it’s a chapter they had to walk through to get to lasting sobriety.
I’ve treated thousands of patients. People from every background you can imagine. CEOs and single moms. Combat veterans and college students. You know what most of them have in common? They didn’t just wake up one day and “decide to quit.” It took time. It took slipping and learning. Falling and rising. Again and again. Until one day, things clicked. Or rather—they clicked enough. Enough to stick with it. Enough to reach for help instead of a bottle. Enough to not give up.
Every slip is a signal. A warning flare that something needs to be addressed—stress, pain, disconnection, fear. If we treat relapse as a death sentence instead of a diagnostic tool, we miss the opportunity to grow.
Grit Is the Muscle Recovery Is Built On
I can’t say this enough: you don’t have to be extraordinary to recover—you just have to be relentless.
In The Recovery Tool Belt, I wrote that recovery is about “continuing to engage.” That means showing up to your appointments even when you don’t want to. It means being honest with your provider when you’re ashamed. It means leaning on your support system when your pride says to go it alone. It means believing that your future is still worth fighting for even when your past tries to argue otherwise.
Grit isn’t flashy. It’s not glamorous. But it’s everything.
I had a patient once—let’s call him Jake—who used to get furious with himself every time he “slipped.” I remember he stormed out after his third relapse, convinced he was done for good. But two weeks later, he was back. And the next month, again. And again. We worked together for almost a year, adjusting meds, tweaking support systems, unpacking trauma. Today, he’s working full-time, going to community college at night, and mentoring others in early recovery. You think I care how many times Jake slipped? Not one bit. Because what matters is that he kept coming back.
Click here to download my free Grit Guide Progress Tracker
Progress Is Messy. Keep Going Anyway.
Here’s the thing that no one puts on Instagram: recovery gets ugly. Your brain will lie to you. Your body will scream at you. People might disappoint you. Your own thoughts will try to sabotage you. You’ll have days where it feels like none of this is worth it.
Do it anyway.
Do it because that day will pass. Do it because a better day is coming. Do it because the person you’re becoming—the one underneath all the damage—is still in there. And they’re waiting for you to fight for them.
Recovery is not about always feeling strong. It’s about choosing to act even when you feel weak.
It’s about being brave enough to live in truth. To make the call. To admit you’re struggling. To keep choosing healing over hiding.
You’re Not Falling Behind—You’re Forging Your Path
Don’t measure your success against someone else’s timeline. If you need six tries, take six tries. If you relapse after two years, come back. If it takes you a month to find the right medication, stick with it. If you’re still in therapy ten years from now—great. That means you’re still showing up.
Every step you take is a rebellion against the lie that you’ll never get better. Every choice to try again is an act of defiance against the disease that wants to destroy you.
And every small win? It adds up.
This Is What Courage Looks Like
Not perfection.
Not always knowing what to do.
Not being free of fear.
Courage is trying again anyway.
So if you’re reading this right now and wondering whether your setbacks disqualify you from recovery, let me tell you: they don’t.
You’re not disqualified.
You’re doing it.
It’s not supposed to be clean. It’s supposed to be real.
And real recovery? That’s what saves lives. That’s what rebuilds families. That’s what makes it possible to wake up one day, look in the mirror, and finally see someone you’re proud of.
So keep going. Keep grinding. Keep showing up.
You don’t need to be perfect to get better.
You just need to stay in the fight.
—Trent
About Trent Carter
Trent Carter is a clinician, entrepreneur, and addiction recovery advocate dedicated to transforming lives through evidence-based care, innovation, and leadership. He is the founder of Renew Health and the author of The Recovery Tool Belt.
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